How unexamined patterns can lead survivors to choose unsafe mental health providers
As a clinical psychotherapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery, one of the most important—and often overlooked—parts of the healing process is understanding why you were drawn to narcissists in the first place.
This isn't about blame. It's about awareness. Because if you don't consciously explore this dynamic, you may unintentionally choose a therapist or coach who repeats the same harmful patterns.
Yes—Narcissists Can Be Therapists, Too
It's a painful truth: not all therapists are emotionally safe. Some are incredibly skilled at looking the part—confident, charismatic, authoritative, polished—but lack the emotional depth, humility, and attunement required for real healing.
Narcissistic therapists often present as flashy and impressive. Their online presence may be filled with curated aesthetics, bold claims, and a "follow me to be healed" energy. While this can feel magnetic (especially if you're used to confusing confidence with safety), what's often missing is true relational connection—the kind that honors you as the expert of your experience.
Signs You May Be Repeating the Pattern in Therapy
Here are some red flags that your therapist may have narcissistic traits:
- They talk more than they listen
- They make sessions about themselves
- They're easily defensive if you give feedback
- They subtly shame or belittle your choices
- They rush your healing or push their own agenda
- You feel emotionally unsafe but doubt your instincts
- Their image matters more than the therapeutic relationship
If any of this feels familiar, you're not alone—and you're not imagining it. These dynamics are often subtle, but they can deeply impact your recovery.
Why It Happens: The Familiar Feels Safe
If you grew up with emotionally unavailable, controlling, or narcissistic caregivers, you may have learned—on a deep, unconscious level—to seek out what's familiar, even if it's harmful. That wiring doesn't switch off just because you start therapy. In fact, therapy often activates these attachment patterns.
You might find yourself drawn to therapists who seem powerful, certain, or "above it all." You may even feel a pull toward therapists who subtly mirror the narcissists you've been trying to heal from—because it feels like home.
Healing Means Choosing Differently
To truly break the cycle, it's not enough to leave the narcissistic relationship. You have to understand the pattern—and your part in it—not from a place of blame, but from a place of power.
Ask yourself:
- Am I drawn to therapists who make me feel small or "less than"?
- Do I override my instincts because someone seems confident or popular?
- Have I confused intensity with intimacy in the past?
What Safe Therapy Should Feel Like
You deserve a therapeutic space where:
- Your voice is heard
- Your pace is respected
- Your feelings are validated
- Your therapist welcomes your feedback
- You feel seen—not judged or managed
Therapy is not about fixing you. It's about walking with you. And it's okay to walk away from any provider who doesn't honor that.
Ready to Work with Someone Who Gets It?
If you're ready to explore these patterns in a safe, validating, and narcissistic-abuse-informed space, I'm here. Let's work together to help you reclaim your voice, your instincts, and your power.
Sometimes we begin again and we own it!
